Category Archives: Family

Protecting, Respecting, and Cherishing the Union of the Marital Act

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Today’s readings (Isaiah 7:10-14, 8:10; Psalm 40:7-11; Hebrews 10:4-10; Luke 1:26-38) of the Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Lord prophesy and highlight Mary of Nazareth’s virginal self-giving love in her fiat or “yes” to God. Would Mary consent to be the Mother of the Son of God Incarnate? She responds to the angel Gabriel, “Be it done unto me according to your word.” (The first part of this response is almost identical to Jesus’ fiat in His agony in the garden, as well as the centerpiece of the Our Father, “Your will be done.”) The Virgin Mary’s unconditional and profoundly obedient love of God informs her fiat. Mary’s sexuality, and therefore her motherhood, embrace her affirmation to love God in return.

In today’s world, social decline in faith, virtue, and family stability, among other reasons, have weakened the concept and exercise of “commitment,” so clearly embodied by the Virgin Mary. To “commit” to something, for many, seems too difficult, almost archaic, especially in reference to something other-centered. This is true, for example, concerning marriage. Do most couples, when exchanging marriage vows at their wedding, seriously intend faithful commitment for better or worse until death? Do they understand the meaning of a vow, and are they dedicated to spousal love “no matter what?” Total, self-giving commitment to another in marriage is slowly (or not so slowly) becoming culturally anomalous, if not anachronistic. This is not surprising since commitment to God—the foundation of all other just and loving commitments—is a notion slowly receding into oblivion in our collective, cultural mindset. Without commitment to God, universal truths, and absolute moral norms, relativism spawns, multiplies, and destroys soul and society. In Scripture, God warns us about this contagion, such as corrupting the absolute character of the Decalogue, the Commandments of love (e.g., Isiah 5:20-24; Torah in v.24 is an Isaian reference to the Decalogue).

By disuse and even wholesale rejection of virtue—the greatest of which is love of God—our culture has atrophied in wisdom and moral character and no longer recognizes the purpose of sexuality. We, the people, by and large, view sexual activity as a multi-method approach of obtaining orgasmic pleasure. This is no overstatement—our pervasive and long-standing contraceptive mentality and practice, cohabitation, seduction into the multi-billion dollar pornography enterprise, and political and legislative eradication of the meaning of marriage (in favor of formalized consensual license to engage in sexual activity), reflect our true colors.

In the order of nature, sexual activity—elicited by sexual desire—is oriented toward union of bodily persons. Self-giving, marital love is God’s signature design of this union. To effect it, four conditions must be met.  First, the union must be willed. Second, it must be complementary of one man to one woman to create the union. Third, it must be faithful because of its profound intimacy. Fourth, it must be respectful of the life-giving act of lovemaking, and therefore be open to life, i.e., must not sterilize lovemaking because of its reproductive character. This procreative dimension—the reproductive character—is an intrinsic aspect of conjugal union. A denial of the procreative, fruitful dimension of the conjugal act is a denial of its union. A partial, but not total self-gift in lovemaking contradicts the complete gift of self expressed in the body language of love, so well-illustrated by St. Pope John Paul the Great’s theology of the body.

Among proponents of the oxymoron, “gay marriage,” some argue that the Catholic Church’s teaching of procreation as a fundamental good of marriage is erroneous because elderly married couples would cease to be married, or elderly couples could not marry because of their inability to procreate. However—as (most) everyone knows—a married couple does not conceive a child each time they make love! Marital union does embody a reproductive character: to denigrate this character denigrates the sacred union.

The Virgin Mary’s courageous, unwavering fiat must be ours, as well. Our undying commitment and loyalty to God embraces all of His will, including those facets most countercultural, such as respect for the marital act. Let us imitate Mary, and serve God faithfully, bravely, chastely. By doing so, we will live with integrity. In addition—God willing—we will serve as an example for others to follow, stimulate personal and social growth in virtue, and thereby reclaim and even advance the grace and teaching of Christ. “Though grass withers…the Word of our God stands forever!” (Isaiah 40:8).

Mark Koehne teaches moral theology for Saint Joseph’s College Online.

Marriage and Family: The Original Cell of Social Life

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The past 25 years have witnessed a dramatic-and tragic-effort to organize societies by violence. Networks and societies that associate themselves with Islam are the most Boko Haramprominent today, but one could find earlier historical examples, such as revolutions inspired by the Communist Manifesto. The Al Qaida network led to the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), which has encouraged affiliations such as Boko Haram.

The efforts of these groups to organize society by violence necessarily attack the family, which by nature strives for peace. Catholic Social Doctrine helps us understand the harm done by these attacks on the family because it recognizes the family as the foundation of society.

Many people think that Catholic Social Doctrine is primarily concerned with activism concerning human rights, especially regarding the poor. It is that, but it is more. Catholic Social Doctrine really provides a view of society –how it is composed, its fundamental principles –that is compatible with the Gospel and the existence of the Church. Catholic Social Doctrine emphasizes that society is primarily a spiritual, not a material reality. We might be tempted, especially in a wealthy society, to think of society primarily in terms of its economic resources. But in paragraph 1886, the Catechism points out that authentic society forms around true spiritual goods, when they are valued and pursued together as a common goal. For this reason, we interpret the “common good” not merely in terms of the material, economic conditions of human flourishing, but primarily in terms of the spiritual goods that people pursue together and the virtues and practices by which they attain them.

The little society we call “family” is based on the very practical yet spiritual “goods of marriage”: the lifelong, sacred bond between the spouses, having and educating children, fidelity and exclusivity, the spouses’ mutual help in the pursuit of virtue and holiness as well as in the running ofHoly Family a household and in the parenting of children, and finally, for two baptized Christians, the spiritual (and practical!) sacramental good of their marriage as a sign of Christ’s union with the Church (CCC 1643-1654). The well-being of Society means recognizing and protecting the common goods of the marital and familial community. The Catechism also uses the word “communion” to describe the little societies called marriage and family (CCC 2205).

We can take each one of these goods of marriage and explain how spouses contribute to society, as well as build their own families, by pursuing those goods. Human love seeks the kind of permanent relationship established by the bond of marriage. By establishing this bond between them, a man and a woman show that special kind of love called “marital” exists in their society. A society without children disappears. A society benefits from educated people, and education begins with intimate knowledge of the kind that parents have for their children. Similarly, a society benefits from mature adults who can accept responsibility. Spouses can use their intimate knowledge of each other to promote their common growth in virtue and holiness (CCC 2206). Finally, spouses lead their families in organizing the material wealth of the society. For this reason, the Catechism calls the family “the original cell of social life” (CCC 2208).

Those who would organize society through violence pursue these social goods for their families while denying them to others. One of the most striking examples took place a year ago when Boko Haram kidnapped 270 girls and, according to news reports, began forced conversion to Islam. By killing or kidnapping, these groups deprive families of their own children. Where they systematically destroyed the family, they will succeed in destroying the society.

Recently the Nigerian Bishops Conference responded with Catholic Social Doctrine. In February of this year, their Plenary Meeting for 2015 developed the theme “Good Families Make Good Nations” and spoke about the nation as a “family of families.” They help us to recognize that violence not only deprives families of their children, but also deprives society of all the social goods that depend upon families.

Grattan Brown teaches Ministry to the Sick and Dying for Saint Joseph’s College Online.